3 weeks ago , i saw her. She look very tired but she was happy to see me.


I was worried as she don't look very good compare to feb when i visited her during chinese new year.


She asked me whether have we eaten dinner and i said"不要担心！我们吃饱了！" I smile and she smile back to me and we start our conversation.


However, our conversation wasn't very long as once she talk too long , she will cough and cough My aunt and mum will stop our conversation because they afraid it will afraid her heart.(she had very serious heart problem)


Both of us were very 无奈 but what can we do? so after we watch channel 8 9pm show , she told us she want to go and rest so everyone knock off quite early.





10am , i was woke up by the noise from the dogs. When i open my bed room door,i saw her sitting at the living room herself , watching TV. I said:早安外婆


she smile and said:这样早起来啊？


I don't know whether she was teasing me or what .. coz i'm the last person who woke up..


so abit pai seh when she said that.


After i ate my breakfast , i went to the living room to accompany her while the other ppl busy doing other things.


She asked me whether i love the cross stitch work she do for me and my mum. I told her it was very nice cross stitch she made. She smile and ask me to go to her bed room to get a red plastic bag.


After i bring her the red plastic bag, she asked me to open it. It was a bag full of cross stitchs work. Total she made another 20 cross stitchs work with different patten (each of her children receive at least one and my mum receive two). She took out one of the cross stitch work from the bag and show it to me.


her:这图案好不好看？


I:好看！你不是做一张一摸一样的给妈咪吗？


her:这不同。虽然一样但是做的时间不同。~


I:哦？*blur face*


her:这是我在我结婚以前时做的


I:shock!*


her:有六十多年了~





i was shock and very please that she share this with me...... i was uttery happy when i hold that on my hand.


I joke with her by saying that this piece of work older then my mum, can call it mum too.... and she laught.

After a while , she ask me how's my knitt going on..did i manage to knitt a scraf or a clothes out and i told her no...

She told me she know how to knitt too and she manage to knitt herself a winter jacket when she was still young in china...she told me next time i come and visit her ,bring my knitt material along and she will teach me how to do ....

While both of us talking, my mum walk in and sit down together with us in the living room.


She told my mum that she want to bath so she sit on the wheel chair and i push her to her bed room.


While my mum help her to find her clothes, she talk to me in different language which i couldn't understand what she want to say.She speak to me in Hakka language and told me that her home town (Teochew) in china actually near to hakka town thats why she know..

She tried to teach me some but i couldn't rmb it and my mum just keep laughing at me on how i pronoun the hakka words..

After our dinner, my six and small aunts, my mum and my grandma went out at 9pm..... they went to some place i felt unconfortable with and dangerous place....place that cure sickness using black magic.
I didn't went together with them because i wasn't feeling well, stomach upset still pain.
My dad and I wait for them to come back .As for my second aunt and maid, they went to bed. We wait till 11pm , they still not back yet and i start to get very worried...
Luckily , they came back at 11.30pm.
I rush to the door and help them to open the door while my six aunt park her car. When my grandma come out of the car, she said:
哇！你还没睡啊？
I:我在等你们。我很担心。。。
She:哎哟，累了去睡吗~
she smile and look very good and happy.
I hold her hand and help her took off her shoe.
slowly walk to her bed room.
we went to bed around 12am...

The next morning, i woke up very early(7.30am) but i didn't see my grandma sitting at her favourite chair and watch television. I looking around the house and finally found her sitting at her wheelchair outside the house near the car park. She sit there quietly , looking at the sky and enjoy the cool weather (after rain)and the sun rise. I quickly brush my teeth and eat my breakfast and sit beside her.
she:你今天起来的很早。昨天这么晚才睡为何不多睡？
I:哈哈我睡饱了！

she knew that i normally will wake up at about 10-12 thats why she everytime ask me and worried whether did i get enough sleep or not.
The reason why i wake up so early because my dad told me that we going out to singapore at 10.30am so i have to wake up early to pack my bags..

Morning weather was cool and sun was not very braight so it was just nice for us to sit there and chat.
We talk a lot of topics and one of the topic was regarding the show 意难忘 show on channel 8 every weekdays, 4.30pm to 5.30pm. She start to complain to me how bad the mother in law was and how evil 蔡进炮 was.. She really love the show very much and will not miss any episode. Luckily, my handphone has the 意难忘 theme songs (start and end songs received from hxp). I played the songs and we sit there quietly and enjoy the songs.
The wind blows and seen to be like matching the songs..and her face show comfort and relaxing.

never ever know this was the last time i sit together with her....

when my dad ask me to get my self change and get ready to go back to singapore... my grandma start to show disappointment and sad look.
She told my mum: (in teochew)"要下雨了，为什么要回去?"
my mum explain to her that my dad need to go back to prepare himself for tml interview and I need to go back and practice my concert songs.

she very 无奈..
She stand up and want to walk back into the house. We ask her to sit down and we push her back but she don't want. She wanted to walk back so i hold her hand and guide her slowly back to the house.
She sitted at her chair and we took our bags.. we say good bye to her and mum even told her she will be coming in 2 wks later during national day.
She said (teochew) 慢走哦。。

While waiting for the bus outside the house, my dad need tissue so i went back the house to get the tissue for him. I saw my grandma walking herself without holding any walking stick to her bed room, trying to get her clothes and go to the toilet and have a morning bath. I quickly hold her hand and ask her why she don't want to wait or at least hold the walking stick. She say she no need it and she feeling very good. She ask me to go out otherwise i might miss the bus and push my hand away. I gave her her's walking stick and told her i will come in when i finish busy with my concert and also promise her to buy the strings she want me to help her search for it.

but nv know the promise will nv had a chance to come true.


3 wks later, she watch kung fu panda until half way together with my 4 cousins ,she went to had a bath. She still joke and tease with the maid and laughter travel around the whole house.
About 5.30pm, after she watch finish her favourite 意难忘 show, my cousins and 3rd aunt went back home.Left my small aunt and her at the living room.. The maid and second aunt were at the back garden doing some house work. My small aunt just went to the front living room 5 min to take some thing, my grandma walk her own to the toilet.
She fainted in the toilet.

I nv ever expect things went so worst...nv ever think that the last 3 wks will be the last time i be with her.
Nv know, this faint nv wake up again.

Went in malaysia together with my s.brother ourselve on monday..During our trip, my brother told me not to be so sad as it will affect my mum and aunts feeling.
We reach at my uncle house about 7.30pm and priests were chanting. My mind went totally blank. I still cannot face the fact.

I saw my mum, her eyes was red. After praying at my grandma..i ask my mum to bring me to see grandma..
I though i will cry... but the moment i saw her... i nv
She was very beautiful, peaceful and smile on her face.
I know she pass away peacefully without suffering from pain.
To me , she like saying:阿琳，你来了哦？吃饱了吗？with a smile on her face.
Another reason for not crying becoz, my mum was sad. If i cry, she will cry also.

The 2 days nights, i didn't play any gambiling games as to repect my grandma. She don't like ppl play Mahjong and poker cards... what keep me awake was my mind set and the heart.

On the last day that send her the last moment to cremate... the priest ask us not to see ,not to cry. The hall was quiet...
The smoke travel up the sky and send my grandma to heaven.

I just want to say..
i am proud to be my grandma's grandchild.
even she was sick , she not feeling well, she wouldn't show it to us.
She try not to trouble us too much..
She will show me smile and told me alot of interesting history happen last time.
Almost everything she know how to do..
treat every grandchildren equally....
I miss the salt fish she made...
I love her... very much..
but i dont have any more chance to call her grandma any more
外婆。。我不想你走。。我还想在一次叫你一声外婆。。我还想要你教我织毛衣。。。
我还想。。。。。。。
请答应我要好好走。。好吗？。。