Ytd went back to attend my driving lesson after 1 1/2 weeks break and i can say the feeling i had was totally different than in the past. I tend to afraid of alot of things... no confident , make alot of stupid mistakes and always get scolded from my instructor. The reasons that cause all this problems is by the word "Phobia"that keep in my brain and heart. Now i can say.. the aim for getting a licence is totally different then the aim i set in the past. I cant stop it now but to carry on to get the licence since i had spend so much time and money in it. Last time i will enjoy driving but now... i wouldn't....
I don't know how to express it .. but i can say now my feeling towards driving had totally change...

After the driving lesson, i went to co practice. The moment i open the little blue door, i tend to flash back my memories... and my feeling change....
normally.. when i open the main room, i will see him playing cello at his usual place near the conductor stand. Nice cello sound travel the whole room which make me feel relax. I will walk to him , then say "HI! 大哥！" and we will start our conversation... But now ... it only appears in my memories..

Ya... thats some thing missing .. something missing in co room. I still haven't over come this feeling that something is missing and nv be back... which make me feel sad and lonely.... When i couldn't hold my feeling any more ... i look for joanne to had a chat ..
Thanks to joanne... i feel slightly better....but still, i have long way to go..

When something happen which you think will never ever happen
and
when you lost something which happens too suddenly,
the process of getting use to it is very difficult ...

which i hates it.....